It’s funny that this blog is called “In the Grip of Grace” What does that Mean?
This year has been a difficult one for me. Struggling, wondering where is God in all of this? I pray for complete healing every day. That His name would be glorified in this, what does that even mean? “God wouldn’t it be amazing if I was to just get up and walk? This would truly be a miracle from You.” No matter how hard I work, no matter how many doctors I see, the only way I will walk again on this earth would be because God allowed it. Why won’t He allow it? Why won’t He allow my day to day life to be just a little easier? Why won’t He take the pain away even for just a day or a moment here and there? It’s hard to let it go when it affects every moment, thought and feeling that you have every day. There is no break from it. You have to plan every move and sometimes that move is not possible. I mourn all the things that I can’t do with Mike and the kids. So, I sit and I pray. “God, ultimately I want to glorify you. If that means Your name will be glorified more with me standing and walking, I’ll take it. However, if it means that your name will be more glorified with me sitting in this chair, then I ask for your Grace. Lots of it!” What does grace even look like?
When you break down the word grace, it actually means a blessing, a gift, good will, love, kindness, favor. So when God gives grace, He gives all of that even though we’re not deserving. While I was in the ICU, a good friend told me to write down all the blessings in my life, because one day I will want or need to look back on them. Many times I have needed to look at that book. God has done so much for me and I have deserved nothing. He has chosen and given to me an amazing husband, my girls, family and friends. I know there is so much that I can still do. I am thankful that I can brush my own teeth, and hair, feed myself, cook, drive, and work. What I have and who I am is because of God’s Grace. “But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain; but I labored more abundantly than they all, yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me.” I Corinthians 15:10 NKJV
It is only by God’s grace that I am here, and that I have been saved, and that I can get up every morning and live. While I’m doing that, He is pouring His Grace on me while I am trying to live out what God intended me to be. The Holy Spirit helps me as God is molding me more into His likeness. I pray that I’ll be able to pass on that grace to anyone who comes in contact with me. That the fruit of the spirit is evident and that they will see His glory.
I am truly in HIS Grip every moment.